Self-esteem
- Ekta Dodhia
- Jul 20, 2020
- 3 min read
Edited By Parita Nagaria
The word Self-Esteem is often confused with Self-Confidence. So let’s begin with understanding the difference between the two. Self-Confidence, as explained in my previous blog, is the faith we have in our abilities and self-esteem has to do with our sense of self. Here, you evaluate your worth and create beliefs about yourself. How you label yourself is going to determine your self-esteem.
Naturally, a positive evaluation will boost your esteem. Praising yourself for your achievements and encouraging yourself after failures is the best example of a positive assessment. If the labels used to define yourself are positive, for example, active, organized, smart, then your self-esteem will be further enhanced. Remember, these labels can be given by your parents, friends, teachers, or even yourself. On the other hand, there is a negative sense of self, whereby you feel like you are not good enough, that you need to be like someone else, or maybe even better than them.
Something I have heard a lot growing up is that anything in excess can be poisonous. I believe the same applies here. When you think too highly of yourself, it could lead to an exaggerated positive self-image, which in turn could lead to an inability to deal with criticism along with a blind eye towards your flaws and possible areas of improvement.
You could be confident in certain areas of your life and still struggle with low self- esteem. One thing you must never forget is that everyone struggles with low self-esteem at some point in their life. It is absolutely normal. You are not alone in feeling this way.
So now comes the big question, how do we deal with this? Well, what I have been practicing is to balance my thought process. I think objectively of myself using facts to assess myself instead of opinions. By thinking in this way, it is easier for me to question the thought and dispute it if necessary rather than accept it as if it was the absolute truth.
For example, if after a math test, you beat yourself up because you think you did poorly, then that will definitely lead to low self-esteem. However, if you try to figure out whether this thought was a fact or an opinion, you’ll get the answer you seek. Your test scores are a fact and will tell you whether you need to put in more effort while also helping you identify the topics in which you need to improve. With this process, you’ve just avoided damaging your self-confidence and your self-worth. And when this practice comes naturally to you, imagine how differently you will approach any given situation! Just imagine how much potential you can unlock within yourself!
The best way to challenge negative self-assessment is to write down your thoughts in a diary, or perhaps, talk to a loved one. All you need to do is discover the method that makes you most comfortable. Learning to handle negative self-evaluations is a continuous process and will take time, therefore be sure to be patient with yourself.
Some of the signs that you may notice within yourself if you have low self-esteem include:
Constantly comparing yourself with others and believing them to be better than you.
Difficulty in expressing yourself clearly and effectively.
Continually focusing on your “weaknesses” without assessing whether that is a fact or merely an opinion with the intention of putting you down.
Lack of confidence, anxiety, depression, and shame.
Difficulty in saying no because you tend to put the needs of others above yours.
Refusing to try new things because you are afraid of failing.
Now, let me tell you some of the things you can do to help yourself.
Recognize that everyone is different. Everyone learns differently and at a different pace. Learn to be flexible. It might take a few different methods of learning a particular skill to find what works best for YOU. Therefore, learn to be flexible and patient with yourself.
Be realistic. Expecting to master chess within a week, for example, is unrealistic and unfair. All this will do is demotivate you.
Learn that it is okay if you find that a particular task, after several attempts, is not your cup of tea. Not everyone can be great at everything! You should simply move on and find your thing!
And lastly, be positive. Expertise doesn’t come instantly, after all, it’s not the same thing as instant noodles. Life skills take time to master, and you must not give up before even giving your 100%.
It is essential to have a balanced and honest self-image as this will guide you to approach relationships with yourself and others in a healthy manner.
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