Prevent Misunderstandings in a Relationship!!
- Ekta Dodhia
- Apr 6, 2021
- 3 min read
Edited by Parita Nagaria
When we have not understood our own needs and wants, it can become very difficult to understand other humans. Naturally, there are going to be misunderstandings in every relationship. However, misunderstandings can be avoided by learning, taking the time and effort to communicate effectively. It is always easier to judge other people's intentions in comparison to slowly communicating our problems and trying to understand their point of view. Most of the time, any given communication can be interpreted in multiple ways, be it the tone used or the emotions involved. Instead of clarifying what the words used mean, we assume what has been implied based on our emotions and feelings. For example, your partner can say “I don’t want to go bowling” and if we are in a vulnerable state of mind, we can easily misinterpret this as them not wanting to spend time with us. In this situation, the reality was simply them not wanting to do something and we are reading way too much into that simple statement. If only we had taken the time to clarify, we would have learned that the partner was just tired and didn’t want to go outside at that particular time.
However, such miscommunications can easily and effectively be sorted out by making the following changes in your communication style.
Listen
Genuinely listen to your partner, see, or rather, hear their perspective with a clear mind. Because when you listen, not just hear, you process the information and tend to understand the problem better. Also, it will give you a perspective on what your partner does not understand about you.
Focus
When listening to your partners point of view, do not be ready with a counter answer or counter argument. As you’ve probably read somewhere, listen, not to reply but to understand. Just listen with a clear mind, as I mentioned earlier. Because the constant need to be right will result in a repetitive cycle of misunderstandings. In every relationship, the most important thing should be that you both feel okay emotionally within the relationship, and not that one partner feels great because they won the most recent argument. Do not forget, it is teamwork not a competition to see who is right and who is wrong. It should be ‘us vs the problem’ and not ‘me vs you’.
What do you feel?
Most of the time when we are arguing, we cannot put our feelings into words because we are too focused on our thoughts rather than our feelings. Therefore, breathe, figure out what you are feeling before speaking. Understand that your feelings and emotions are different from your thoughts. Learn to identify whether your thoughts are based on facts or are they based on assumptions? This is very important as these thoughts are the ones that are going to involve your emotions. So, if your thoughts are based on assumptions, then your emotions, even though they are valid and you feel them so deeply, are not real. Basically, they are created by you, not your situation. Once you learn to identify your true thoughts then you have the capability to effectively communicate your actual emotions.
Calm down
When in a heated argument, do not escalate it by trying to communicate when you are still angry. Take a break, cool down, then come back to talk about the topic with calmer minds. This will ensure that the problem is discussed effectively and possible solutions are created, instead of nit-picking each other’s behaviour and playing the blame game.
You two against the world
Remember that you're a team and it is you against the world, not the two of you against each other. You are not each other's enemy or competition. Therefore, always keep that in mind. This one change of perspective can better help you understand each other as partners and work towards a solution for your problem.
Always remember that life's too short to stick to minor details but that doesn't mean you compromise all the time. It is just working to meet each other halfway so that you can truly enjoy your relationship.
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